May 26, 2021

Okay. So acceptance.

Holy shit. That was rough. Okay. Sorry. My brain went haywire there for a minute. Suddenly it was time to think of everything I’ve forgotten about but need to check on. So acceptance. Yeah. It’s a thing some people do, you know. Accept things. God why am I struggling right now. Theres so much I want to say, but I literally can’t string 2 thoughts together.

I will not be coming back to this place. That feels… icky. But I have been inspired recently by some amazing people out there in the world. People who I’ve never met yet they’ve touched my heart deeply. That’s corny and cheesy, but it’s true. So my goal/declaration/whatever is to start writing again every day. Yeah, been there before. No. New site. No more watching me. Read what I say. That is my boundary. My house is off limits. That is for me and who I invite in. No one else. My phone is off limits. Granted, Apple and every other fricking tech company as well as government agencies have their little backdoor whatever’s. It’s actually mainly when I’m jerking off, tbh. I’m so tired of covering up the cameras on my phone so I can’t jerk off without having to think about if someone has accessed my camera. Just let a man enjoy himself alright. If that’s not your thing, you’re missing out first of all. But do you. Just let me do my thing.

Yeah. I spoke about jerking off. Dude. I can’t with those who think it’s a thing to stimulate your body’s nerve endings. Procreation is a thing, sure. But it’s not something we need to be worrying about right now. Relationships are awesome and sex can be 🤯. But it can also feel really weird and uncomfortable. Yeah, personal things coming out. But the truth is it can, if not with the right person. The right person doesn’t mean your spouse, although it can and hopefully does. But you’ll feel the difference in the experience. Or at least I do. So yeah, I’ll jerk off so I’m not out there fucking with someone else just to get my rocks off. I’m perfectly capable my self. Plus, side benefit is I’m a gay man. When I do get with someone else, I know how to handle his treasure 😏

Yeah, I didn’t explain what I meant but you’ll know the difference. Gay culture is different. It’s had to be. Herstory and all. But hookups are common, and they can go really well. I’ve had a couple that were really fun. But I’ve had some fucking awkward ones as well. But how I’ve come to this conclusion was how I felt post coitus, because hormones are weird and complicated things and once they get the blood pumpin down south, things get blurry. But organisms have a way of clearing out the brain, at least mine. 🤷‍♂️

Why tf am I talking about this tonight? Idk. First I couldn’t get anything and now I’m talking about sex and masterbation. Apparently that’s not how you spell that but my autocorrect isn’t giving me the right spelling, it would rather say master action. Which is funny but not what I’m needing. So forgive. If I stop writing write now to go look it up… who knows where I’ll end up.

Anyways. Yeah. I’m a weird guy. Here we are. Okay. Well I’m done writing for right now. Yeah, I want to write about things that matter. But before I go where I’ve been, I need to get some shit together. Clam down there skipper. Clam. Really. What is even happening. It just feels wrong to put a question mark there. Idk. Okay cool. Glad we had this talk. But yeah. I want to write about shit that matters, I want to continue to develop my gifts. It’s a process.

Now my brain is like uhhhh…. what is the name for the new site? Idk. Help. Let’s try this, universe help me find a unique name that’s slightly catchy and has a good flow to it. A name to write under. Maybe sing under. But for sure write under.

So I feel compelled to tell you that I love you. Even though I can feel some people baulking at that. Sorry if it makes you uncomfortable. Wait. No. That’s a lie. I’m not sorry that my love for you, who is quite possibly a total stranger, is weird or confusing for you. Yes I am. When you write it out, it gets weird. But here’s the thing. I do love you. I can’t help it. It’s literally who I am. And I love that about me. So if it makes you uncomfortable…. well damn. Impasse. [whispers from the side of my mouth] i love you. 😘